Along with the tears, there is the breath. I have been thinking about the breath since yesterday, writing about the diver in murky waters. I have been thinking about diving again, after many many years. But that is also another story.
For the first time in my life, I am really making friends with my breath. I had asthma as a young child, and have horrible memories of lying in bed through the night, listening to my own wheezing, my whole body filled with fear. Hearing my own laboured breath has always been something that has evoked panic in me. For many years, I have never been able to go anywhere without an inhaler in my bag, having them stashed in places all around my house and in my car.
Since coming to Oman, this has all changed gradually. I found the best asthma doctor on the planet. When he met me, he said, "Stefani, you are on the Morris Minor of medications, we have to change this immediately, I'm going to give you the latest BMW model!” He gave me a groovy little purple disc thingie and that was the first step.
My geologist friends have never paid any attention to my fears and encouraged me to do as much as I can when I am with them. How wonderful to be with people who had no judgement, which led me to cancel all the judgements on myself. Gradually I learnt not to fear my breath racing, but rather to experience it as a sign of my own life force, to trust it as a flame burning deep inside.
And so I started walking more; and then with the loved one coaxing me out onto the corniche here by the sea. He has also encouraged me to walk in the mountains, giving me the special Christmas gifts of walking boots and walking poles. I am so happy to say that the sight of a hill in front of me doesn't scare the living daylights out of me anymore! My housemate from heaven has also encouraged me greatly, and the 3 of us have had some wonderful unforgettable wadi experiences together. I used to labour across rocks and stones, and now I am learning to actually enjoy the challenge: the mountain goat- Capricorn- in me is coming into her own!
Now the three of us are doing yoga together, and my breath keeps expanding and increasing. I am growing closer to my own life force than ever before. I have always known that this is the spark in me that connects me most directly to my Creator, and now I am really experiencing that so intimately. I am so grateful for this natural instinct of breathing that I do not take for granted, which I am learning to cherish and to nurture.
And now, when I am alone with my breath in the dark, she is a comfort to me.
I wonder what it is that comforts you in the night?
For the first time in my life, I am really making friends with my breath. I had asthma as a young child, and have horrible memories of lying in bed through the night, listening to my own wheezing, my whole body filled with fear. Hearing my own laboured breath has always been something that has evoked panic in me. For many years, I have never been able to go anywhere without an inhaler in my bag, having them stashed in places all around my house and in my car.
Since coming to Oman, this has all changed gradually. I found the best asthma doctor on the planet. When he met me, he said, "Stefani, you are on the Morris Minor of medications, we have to change this immediately, I'm going to give you the latest BMW model!” He gave me a groovy little purple disc thingie and that was the first step.
My geologist friends have never paid any attention to my fears and encouraged me to do as much as I can when I am with them. How wonderful to be with people who had no judgement, which led me to cancel all the judgements on myself. Gradually I learnt not to fear my breath racing, but rather to experience it as a sign of my own life force, to trust it as a flame burning deep inside.
And so I started walking more; and then with the loved one coaxing me out onto the corniche here by the sea. He has also encouraged me to walk in the mountains, giving me the special Christmas gifts of walking boots and walking poles. I am so happy to say that the sight of a hill in front of me doesn't scare the living daylights out of me anymore! My housemate from heaven has also encouraged me greatly, and the 3 of us have had some wonderful unforgettable wadi experiences together. I used to labour across rocks and stones, and now I am learning to actually enjoy the challenge: the mountain goat- Capricorn- in me is coming into her own!
Now the three of us are doing yoga together, and my breath keeps expanding and increasing. I am growing closer to my own life force than ever before. I have always known that this is the spark in me that connects me most directly to my Creator, and now I am really experiencing that so intimately. I am so grateful for this natural instinct of breathing that I do not take for granted, which I am learning to cherish and to nurture.
And now, when I am alone with my breath in the dark, she is a comfort to me.
I wonder what it is that comforts you in the night?
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