Scrawny dragon and pink toes

I am so happy to know that many of you are finding me here. You have come to the woodshed to see the baby dragon. He is just a little scrawny thing, but pretty feisty and has a mind of his own. Goodness knows what will happen when his wings grow and he starts breathing fire! Thank you for your love and support and feedback. I love what I am doing because it brings me joy, it flows and is effortless. Your encouragement means a lot though, and I appreciate all the little and sharper nudges to keep going.

Today was a gooooooood day! I woke up slightly worse for wear ( don't ask), got dressed, decided at the last minute to change clothes again, and instead of going to work, went to the spa for a pedicure! Pink! The perfect start to the week. There is a brilliant carwash right by the "Beautification Saloon", so Ollie usually gets his polishing while I get mine.
We both left there feeling decidedly more perky and I proceeded to work just in time for lunch....

My temporary passport arrived today which is a relief,  I might even be legal again in the next few days... Enshallah. I did actually get some work done and taught my favourite class. Full attendance as usual. I then swung by my favourite hotel, the Chedi, to watch my artist friends and their baby rosepetal float around in the water. It was peaceful, the soft light at sunset and the gentle lapping of the water was exactly the short respite I needed before going to the dentist. The hotel has opened its pools and public beach and gym for the first time ever and are offering a 3 month package. Needless to say, I am sorely tempted!

The next bit of good news is that the dental work is done. Hooooorrraaay! I have a lot to say about this whole experience, but let's just say that over the years Dr Matt and I have clicked on a certain level. When he has no patients, we talk about life, the universe and everything and I have to admit he is the only dentist I have ever hugged!

As you know, I have an appointment with the potential sponsor tomorrow, the potentail facilitator of my dreams. I have been wandering around the whole weekend going, 'Come on Universe, come on ou chommie, you know this girl is a bit ignorant about business affairs, fling someone on my path to give me some advice'.

My goodness, I opened the topic  this evening with Dr Matt completely by chance.... well, we don't believe in co-incidence, do we?..... and he really gave me a few sound pointers. Very happy about that.

Good night sweet friends, may flights of angels sing thee to thy sleep.










 

The pearl

It was in those excrutiating teenage years, in standard 6 to be exact, at the age of 12, that a friend gave me a card with words by Khalil Gibran. I remember the exact moment, we were on the sportfield outside the boarding house, the trees seemed to exhale with a deliberate movement, the world went bright and soft and acutey green to my eyes.

 I then found The Prophet, a book of which I have given away more copies than I can count. His poems and stories move me and I am so priviledged to have loved him for more than 30 years. It is so true what they say about books being like like best friends. As you get older, you love them more, and the same story or poem or saying resonates in a different way as one walks further down the path of life. They also remind you of certain times, as songs do.

As the saying goes, 'no man crosses the same river twice'. I am proud to report that I wrote that on the whiteboard last week and had the students interpret and explain and think and debate through the layers, until they got it.

So, now for The Pearl, a major milestone on my path of healing after Hester's death, and always a light in times of discomfort.

Said one oyster to a neighbouring oyster, 'I have a great pain within me, it is heavy and round and I am in distress.'
And the other oyster replied with haughty complacence, 'Praise be to the heavens and to the sea, I have no pain inside of me. I am well and whole, within and without.'

At that moment a crab was passing by and heard the two oysters, and he said to the one who was well and whole both within and without,
'Yes, you are well and whole, but the pain your neighbour bears is a pearl of exceeding beauty'.

KAHLIL GIBRAN

bedu on chartreuse motorbikes and crazy dreams

Busy full happy days. Relieved that passport stress has been relieved, still waiting for said document to arrive. Oh oh oh, and by the way, the word stress is also one I am deleting frm my life forever, so that will be officially the last time you hear it from me.

 I am grateful for a quiet Friday at home. I have all the papers next to me to set vocabulary and reading exams from my students, but playing around on the internet is much more fun. I do not usually connect to the internet on the weekend, but it's enjoyable to spend a bit of time like this once in a while.

I am sitting in my bed, with a growling kitty next to me. My portly ( meaning that his belly practically drags on the ground... very fluffy) boy Leo insist on lying as close to me as possible, but then gives a tiny growl of disappoval every time I move. Bless him.

I am thinking about several things today. I am thinking the lovely charity event we had at the university on Wednesday night, to support the Al Noor Association for the Blind. All went smoothly and I really enjoyed seeing the students in relaxed mode, having fun. The astmosphere was fun and laidback and I really enjoyed meeting some of the families and friends. The people from Al Noor put on a little play and there were various bands and fashion shows as well. The carshow was a great crowd-pleaser. A group of my boys proudly showed me around all the  fabulous cars and a perfect moment for me was being taken for a spin on a huge limegreen motorbike by one of my students dressed very spiffingly in his traditional bedu gear. I wish I had a photo of that! But will definitely always remember...
Hester always spoke about decorating the galleries of the soul with beautiful images, to be perused any time and as an eternal antidote against boredom.

I am thinking about visions and goals, and which of my crazy dreams I would like to see come to fruition. I have always had dreams to make a difference in this world, to be surrounded by children, to be firmly grounded in the moment while building a future for myself and for those around me. As an exercise with new students, I always ask them to write and then present a piece on their crazy dreams and schemes, what makes them unique and how they plan to change the world. I always encourage them to take risks, to share something they have never shared before. It is a wonderful team building exercise, and it is truly rewarding to see the students stand tall and come into their own right in front of my eyes.

There was a moment at the charity event that sticks with me. I was browsing around the smaller stalls, and there was a young Omani girl selling flash memory drives for computers designed like traditional Omani jewellery. She had made the designs herself. I said that I admired her for her motivation and creativity and she answered that she was just having fun. We had a little conversation which I really enjoyed.

I said that most entrepreneurs don't start with huge goals of success and prosperity in mind, but they pursue what brings them joy and inner satisfaction. The success is a by-product of the hard work, dedication and passion you put into something that brings you fullfillment. I encouraged her to keep going. As I walked away, I realised that  those words from my own mouth were really meant for myself.

At the moment I am nurturing a dream to stay in Oman and to start a language school. I would like to focus on children and ladies: and work towards making a difference to the future of Oman, one English vocabulary word at a time. I would like to create a space where teachers and students feel comfortable, where they can interact in a warm kind atmosphere of sharing and mutual growth. I am working at drawing my team around me. It is all very scary and unreal, but I know in my heart of hearts that I am ready for this. I am having a second meeting with a potential sponsor on Sunday, and am trusting the process big time. Baby steps, baby steps.

As part of that dream, I would really like to work at making myself stronger and healthier and fitter.To be an open and willing channel of light, it is imperative that I am able physically to handle it. I therefore now put a firm intention out to work on this part of myself. I would like to attract all manner of enjoyable ways to improve my physical wellness!

In the mean time, Leo has gone off in a huff, and I am really thirsty. So, untill next time, keep on dreaming.

Decadent food and Arabic grammar

I wore my red dress today which gave me energy. I felt a lot better about everything.  My temporary passport is on the way and has a validitiy of 1 year, so the uni can put a new work visa/ residency permit in there for me. This makes my life a lot simpler- no rushing to the UK between Easter and the royal wedding. Alhumdullilah.

Eventhough I had a lot of work, I escaped from work early and went to the supermarket to buy decadent food as a small celebration. Hotcross buns and salmon and cream cheese  and red onions and honey and filter coffee and frozen berries. It was lovely just wandering aimlessly around and not rushing. I haven't been to the supermarket for ages and enjoyed it.

 I have totally given up rushing. Junaline gave me advice to cancel some words from my vocabulary that don't work for me. 'Quickly' is definitely one of them. I find myself using it far tooo often. Living in the moment is something which is definitely not overrated. I remember being on a silent retreat many years ago in a wonderful Fransiscan monastry in Bad Waldsee in Germany. One of the old angel-like nuns told us that her new year's resolution was to pay more attention to the moment. I remember thinking that if the master still needs to practise that, all the more reason for me to practise.

I went to Arabic and have got this wonderful new attitude to it. I have decided to ENJOY. Before I used to feel terrible if I was late or hadn't done my homework properly, or if concepts were discussed that I didn't grasp to the full, or even if Faisal the teacher wrote down words I didn't get a chance to copy down. Now I am happy to catch whatever I can and have taken the judgement and pressure off myself. I keep reminding myself that after 12 times of explaining the present simple to my students, they still don't get it; so I don't have to expect myself to understand all the finer convolutions of the Arabic grammar if the Arabic teacher explains the different forms of the negation used in the past, present and future... in one lesson ...in Arabic! 

So guys, as Garfield said on one of the Mother's Day cards I gave Hester many years ago, remember to slow down on the path of life and eat the roses on the way. And more profoundly but no less aptly, in the words of Khalil Gibran, ' The tortoise sees more of the road than the hare'.

Rainbow and anticipation of dates

There are two seasons in Oman. The cool season and the hot season. When the hot season starts the air becomes hazy and humid and the mountains disappear from sight. The days become longer and we sit outside but with standing fans. In the period 'inbetween' the house is too hot without the AC but too cold with it. You can't get the room temperature right in the night. It is now almost time to switch the waterheaters off, because the water coming from the cold tap is boiling from the sun outside, and the water which usually comes from the waterheater is then cool and the perfect temperature for showering.

We are in the transition phase. The last few days have been muggy and cloudy, the sky quite black and ominous in the evening. A few drops of rain have been falling from the sky. We saw a rainbow in Muscat today, a really unusual sight. It is a little windy and my mother's glass chimes make gentle music outside. The car is contantly dirty because the fat raindrops show up the dust. I love this time though. It is sensuous and tropical and has a mystical feel, there is an atmosphere of anticipation. I feel vaguely lethargic, but I love the heat and the slight constant glow on my skin. It is not the full-on sauna feeling of July.

There is a part of me that never never relaxes in western Europe, that is always some degree of cold, and that part of me finds space here to expand and not hold itself tight.

 The dates are swelling on the trees, a promise of the heavenly harvest to come. This sounds like an exaggeration, but it is not! I love the summer for the fresh dates. There are so many kinds of them in differnt shapes and sizes, and we look forward to them ripening on the trees in succession and gracing our palates one kind at a time. They are the perfect combination of tart and sweet, crunchy and soft, dry and succulent in one fruit. The colours are always rich and earthy, varying from deep red to pale gold.

I walked home tonight from my neighbours, the sounds of goats and lambs and children coming from the enclosed courtyards. Some ladies sitting out enjoying the evening breeze, a group of young men playing cards in front of a house. I walked alone and looked up at the lemony moon peaking lazily from behind the evening clouds, and felt so peaceful and part of it all.

Let love rule

To be whole, let yourself break.

To be straight, let yourself bend.

To be full, let yourself be empty.

To be new, let yourself wear out.

To have everything, give everything up.

Tao Te Ching

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack, a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in.

Leonard Cohen

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

CS Lewis  The Four Loves

Letting go

When I was around 12 or 13, on a real trip of self discovery, life was so incredibly full of extremes. I was so incredibly lonely, my room so empty, my duvet so protective. My friendships so excrutiating, so serious, so passionate. I remember having a little poster on my wall saying: Vulnerability is strength.
Even then it was important for me to expose myself fully to life, and take what it had to give, without judging.
I don't remember having lables of good or bad on things, but simply this is life.

It is amazing to me that so far down the line, this is still a central theme in my life. I do belief that you have to open yourself up and take it all in and live to the full.

Claire once told me that when I open up to someone or the world, make myself vulnerable to the world, it is like an autopsy, I bare myself with nothing held back, every part exposed.
I am teaching myself how to find a balance between protecting myself, making time to gather strength, going to the well; and exposing myself to life in that fully vulnerable state, pushing out the boat, switching on all the landing lights.

I must thank June for sending me this link to a talk by Brene Brown about the strength in vulnerability. It is off a website www.ted.com. You should check it out, there are some amazing things there. In the discussion after the talk, I found 3 of my favourite quotations. I'll share these with you in the next post.

So in the middle of my passport dilemma, I am learning and being reminded of many lessons. I am reminded in the haze to say thank you 1000 times a day. I am reminded that it is OK to be vulnerable and accept help and support when it comes my way. I am letting the love in and it is giving me the strength to be calm and take control.

Update on passport situation soon! Faint light at the end of the tunnel. But trip to London inevitable.