Take care of the golf balls

I don't often post stories that are not my own, but this is another "'oldie but goldie" that has periodically been crossing my path for many years. You might know it, but it never ceases to help me to get my priorities straight.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty pickle jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two glasses of chocolate milk from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

The Moral of the Story - The professor waited for the laughter to subside....

"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things...your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your home, your car."

"The sand is everything else...The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are critical to your happiness."

"Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house or fix the disposal."

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities, the rest is just sand."

Luminescense in the deep

I wonder why it is so difficult writing about times that feel hard and challenging. I always want to sound happy and upbeat and sunshiney, and THANK GOD, mostly I am and do. But when I am too busy, unfocused or ambivalent, headachy or over tired, emotional or going through utterly irrational fears that have no basis in reality, I just want to hide them away from myself and the world.
 I just want to run, but then am always reminded once again of Hester, "You can run, my Blom, but remember, you always take yourself along!"
 I once ran from London to Hongkong in one fell swoop, only to realise there in a bar in Kowloon, that I had indeed "brought myself along".

I have not been sleeping well, and I have a small muscle under my left eye that keeps on jumping and shuddering. I am putting my light off too late and then wake up at 4 am with knots on my stomach that I cannot name. I am just not in a very safe space with myself right now, diving down into unknown unchartered waters.

I have told myself to let it be, just let it be. This too shall pass and the light heart is sure be restored.

Today, I felt a prick of  familiarity to this feeling, and thought back to the time when I was feeling really heavy and scared, attending a grieving seminar in southern Germany many years ago. I know I have spoken of it here before- a beautiful quiet Franciscan monastry and an ageless wise and childlike nun.
I spoke to her of my feeling of diving through the deep murky slush, completely disorientated and bewildered.She instructed me to go where I fear most, close my eyes and willingly go with the process, dive even deeper down and just trust what was happening.

I could hardly breathe at first, my heart exploding in my chest, but willed myself to continue down down down, through layers of blackness, until inexplicable I started to perceive a kind of luminescence. A tiny feeling of relief washed over me, at least something was becoming visible. I started to faintly make out sea creatures and plants, and then also shells, amazing pearls and other treasures, all glowing with an inner light. I had reached a place of unusual and sublime beauty and serenity.
As I had that memory today, I realised anew, that I need not fear these moments, but need to embrace them and dive into them, in order to find the gifts that are hidden within.

So, dear ones, I wish us all the inner courage to embrace the moments that bring us trepidation, and know that they have special fruits to bear.