Seeds on fallow ground and sleep

I have to tell the world that I had a brilliant nights' sleep. It is not often that I sleep for a solid 6 hours without waking up at all. I woke up in a state of peace. What a blessing.

My subconscious must be calming down. I haven't shared the continuation of my passport saga with you, but it has really been riding me mentally for months. I have had so much support with it from unexpected quarters. Now, an angel called David, friend of a friend, has appeared from nowhere, and is helping me make a case for my citizenship after the British authorities told me on my last holidays that they would not be renewing my passport past April. A mistake 16 years ago, so sorry.

I believe everything happens for a reason, and I have not been able to see any reason at all for this thing happening in my life. One reason I now very clearly perceive, is to believe emphatically in the kindness of strangers.

Let mystery have its place in you-

do not always be turning up your whole soul

with the ploughshare of self-examination,

but leave a little fallow corner of your heart ready

for any seed the wind may bring.

HENRY FREDERIC AMIEL

I love it that life is like this, just catching you with the small moments of magic. And those small moments of magic often opening some inner window shutter, sending one's life in a completely new direction. What is life if we don't believe in the mystery of it. There was a moment sitting with the loved one this weekend passed; my nose just brushed his hair ever so lightly. It was the most soothing moment of connection with another human being, felt like a seed fallling on a fallow corner. The depth of the experience so unexpected.

I wish you all good sleep, the kindness of strangers, magical moments and a special seed falling on that little fallow corner of your heart today.

Of kitchen scales and sharing my sanctuary

Today is Thursday and I am really happy. As most of you know, it is virtual  Saturday, and I have been doing absolutely nothing. Some days are just made for lying on the sofa watching detective series on television, and swtching off from the world. It has been one of those. I am also happy cause the Eid holidays have been declared and I have almost a whole week off from work. I show up on Saturday and Sunday, then our road trip starts on Monday. I am so excited. I spoke to Rashid of the desert camp and am determined to do the island, the turtle beach and the desert. As Joseph Campbell said, and as I have quoted here before, Follow your bliss!

I then have to show up for a couple of hours next Monday before flying to Germany with the students in the late evening.

So, it is almost Eid and time to make little surprise packets for the children. The  Omanis call these "Eidia". Usually the children in the neighbourhood come ringing the doorbell on the morning of Eid, asking for 100 besa notes and sweets, but I prefer to make little packets for the children that I know. I persuaded the man to drive me to the famous Lulu this morning. This was a big favour, as every bedu and his wife from the interior is coming into town this weekend to do pre-Eid shopping. Luckily he needed some ingredients to make his yummy rusks, so was willing, although swearing most of the way. See "Driving out of the box" entry below!

I bought loads of sweeties and some packets of colored pencils and although we had to brave massive queues at the check-out tills, we escaped unscathed. 

I enjoyed mixing the sweets and then made up the packets in small zip lock bags. Just as I was finishing, the loved one came out of the kitchen with his electronic scale. He painstakingly weighed all the goody bags one by one to make sure that each kiddy got their fair share, sometimes taking and sometimes adding. I really liked this, as I really couldn't be bothered about the details. For him the fairness and equality of this process was very important.   

I have another little story to share today. I have been asking the universe for ages about ways to make a little extra cash. Up to very recently I would never have thought of sharing my house, it is my sanctuary and the centre of my universe and the energy in there is very important, like a sacred space.

I recently had Shefaa staying for a month which worked well, and I have been thinking about it seriously. I put the thought out there, deciding that if it was meant to be, it would come to me.

Recently I was catching up with a colleague of mine on the beach outside our university. We were sitting on the beach on some nets in one of the fishermen huts looking at the sea and watching the gulls play over the water. It was a little windy, the perfect temperature, and the waves were making tiny peaks, like mini meringues. It was a moment that felt frozen in time. She was telling me how her partner was looking to do some volunteer work, possibly leaving quite soon, and how she was looking for flat for the next academic year. It felt right and I asked her immediately if she would like to come live with me.

So, after some discussion and not too much thought, I will have a housemate from November to next June. I have liked her since the first time we met, a very gentle and sensible person with beautiful green eyes and a consistent integrity. She is coming over on Saturday to thrash out the details, but I think it will be GOOD.

Of rocks and vigilance

This was my father's favourite psalm. I feel that he is close at the moment, really watching over me and I have been reading this psalm every day. These are such beautiful words of connection to nature and of complete trust. It doesn't matter what creed you follow, these are comforting and strengthening words. I think of my father in the last months of his life, and how these words were a safe-haven for him.

I love the image of feet not slipping, as I have such bad balance, I can barely keep my balance on a bike... famously falling off my bike in front of the school inspector walking his dog in our neighborhood.

I love the imagine of looking to the hills, God as a rock, eternal and ever-present and I love that my name derives from Stephen, meaning rock.

The most meaningful actual rock in my life is Table Mountain. I had a wonderful realisation a few years ago about how much it meant to me growing up in its shadow. I have been through so much, and the mountain is a solid presence.

I am a lover of rocks and collect them, I don't know much about them, although I am attempting to be an amateur geologist. I love them for their aesthetic value, for their color, shape, feel and beauty. I often walk around with a dead normal stone in my pocket, to ground me and remind me that even those things that seem permanent also change, it is just a matter of time. I love the way geologists have the capacity to think in thousands and millions of years. It really makes us seem so trivial and truly puts things in perspective.

I love the image of God not resting, but constantly watching over us, like a mother sitting by the bed of a sick child, being ever vigilant and aware of the child's every move and breath.

The man has been ill recently and I spent a night wth him, lying awake and listening to his breathing, switching on my all senses and intuition to what I could do to support and comfort, praying for his peace in the night. Being so relieved when I could tell that he was sleeping deeply.  It is so incredible to know that God does that for us every minute of every day into eternity in his all-encompassing capacity.

Living in the desert, I also love the idea of being protected from the sun; God being the shade to rest in, an oasis, not letting any harm come to us.

It is called a psalm of ascents, as this are one of the songs that the people used to sing as they ascended to Jerusalem to praise and worship.

I wish that we may all rest assured that we are protected and watched over, and sleep in peace tonight in that knowledge. Amen.

I lift up my eyes to the hills-

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip-

He who watches over you will not slumber:

indeed, he who watches over Israel

Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you-

The Lord is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm-

he will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your coming and going

both now and forever.

Psalm 121

 A song of ascents

Psyllium husks and cute ears

''If you were here, I'd kneel for you, a thousand kisses deep."  L.Cohen

I never thought I could get so excited about psyllium husks. I have never been a breakfast person and I am not a great eater of fruit, plus I have a famously runny stomach. The Chinese say that the stomach is the second brain, and I certainly find that to be true. My stomach and brain are often in disagreement.  My stomach generally doesn't like to leave the house. I always have a little chat with it. 'Listen tummy, we have to go to work and I know that it's going to be a challenging day, but really it will be fine', or 'Listen lovely tummy, we are going on holiday but I promise to give you nice food at regular times'. I am forever coaxing my stomach to go with me without protesting.

Before going out the door, I invariably have to make a last loo stop. It used to be really bad, but since I have been living in Oman feeling much less stressed, my stomach has also settled down a lot.

 A BIG part of this because of Opra Winfrey. My goodness, is there anybody's life she hasn't touched in one way or another. There she was one night with Dr Oz. Bless the man. I always want to call him Dr Spock, I sort of expect him to have pointy ears. I like his ears, they are a good size. I absolutely do not trust men with small ears. Can't explain this phenomenon, sorry. Men are so bad at listening in any case, can you imagine what terrible listeners men with small ears are. Not to be trusted, absolutely not.

Back to Dr Oz with the ears. He was saying this thing like, Are you always rushed at breakfast or just skip breakfast all together? Do you suffer from an irregular tummy? Why don't you make yourself a shake in the morning with a banana and some frozen berries and some psyllium husks? Perfect, get your portion of fruits, give your body some sugar first thing in th day, fantastic anti-oxidants in the berries, and colon cleansing husks.

This idea literally changed my life. No more runny stomach. No more mid-morning sugar slump and frantic scavaging for food. I literally became a more emotionally balanced person overnight.

But what the hell are psyllium husks? I had a bit of a mission to find them, and my friend Renate has been posting them to me from South Africa. Or any unsuspecting friend has been bringing them to me from there. But these things are not cheap and I became determined to find them here. It has taken me months, and I have asked loads of people, most who look at me strangely.Completely by chance, I mentioned it to Vishkir, a friend going to South Africa, hoping he could bring some along.

He told me immediately that his mom uses them regularly and that you can get them in the local Lulu supermarket next to the panadols and the Vicks.We love the place, it has everything. I always take all my visitors there as part of the standard tourist trail. The name means "Pearl".  I made a bee-line there, and lo and behold, there was the little green packet with the deer on the front just as he said. And really reasonable. Joy.

I have been pleased about this now for more than a week. Everytime I see the packet in the cupboard my face breaks into a huge smile. What I am trying to say is that sometimes one can derive enormous pleasure from the smallest of things. Plus, sometimes something really simple can make a really big difference to your quality of life, you just have to have your ears and eyes open and be willing to give it a go.

The man in my life thinks I am a weirdo, yes, his word. I once asked him why he likes me. I think most of you can anticipate the kind of answer I thought I would get. I didn't get any of that. He answered that he perceives me as part alien, part mermaid and part unicorn. This is about as romantic as I can expect to get, and a huge compliment coming from this man. The one thing I can say about him though, he has very decent ears.